Helpful and not-so-helpful questions

I'm a member of an organization called Ladies Who Launch, which has helped me grow my business.  But lately, it's had a lot of cross-over into my personal life as well.  The philosophy behind LWL is that women run businesses differently than men.  No-brainer, eh?  What's interesting is how we do it differently.

We talk a lot about the "wonder woman complex" that many of us modern, successful, capable women have.  We find it difficult to ask for help, and often prefer to just do it ourselves, rather than give up a task to someone else.  THIS IS NOT A GOOD WAY TO RUN A BUSINESS, OR YOUR LIFE.

At Ladies Who Launch, we're encouraged to state our needs.  Whenever I see the Toronto director of the program, she asks "what do you need?".  This is a great question.  And she doesn't take "oh nothing" for an answer.  Everyone needs something - an accountant, a tip on a hairdresser, a dogwalker, professional development... something.

Then, this woman makes it her personal mission to help you get what you need.  Often, she can't do it herself, but she's connected to so many other modern, successful, capable women, that she's bound to know someone who can help.  And when you have an entire room full of women stating what they need, and helping each other... it's pretty amazing.

Note: This lady is the same one who told me to stop being superwoman (see two posts below).  You challenge and inspire me.  Thank you.

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If "what do you need" is such a great question, that makes me think about other questions that people have asked me lately, that aren't so great.  Of course, this is all my opinion, other people might not agree, blah blah blah.  But seriously, if you know someone who is going through something, anything really, and you want to help - the absolute worst thing you can say to them is "If you need anything, just ask" or "If you need anything, just call" or something along those lines.

THIS IS THE WORST.  Here's why.

As I mentioned above, us modern, successful, capable women think of it as a weakness to ask for help.  And, if I do feel like I could possibly ask for help, don't leave it up to me to contact you.  That's just one more thing on my already crazy-long to-do list.  Just think - if you've ever said one of the above questions to someone, have they actually called and asked for help?  Probably not.  So you feel better because you asked, and that was nice of you, but you didn't actually do anything.

Another terrible question: "What can I do to help?"


I know this one also comes from a good place, but seriously, don't ask that.  Because I don't know what you can do.  Unless it's something very specific, for example, you're a massage therapist and I really need a good backrub and you just happen to be right in front of me.  I don't know what you feel comfortable taking on, what you can afford, what you have time for, what your capabilities are.

After thought: I'm striking this one out.  Because "What can I do to help" isn't a terrible question.  It's okay.  Just "if you need anything, call me" is a bad question.  I was ranting a bit when I wrote that.  Apologies.  Now, back to the original thought...


And for the love of God, if you have an idea of something you want to do for me, RUN IT BY ME FIRST.  Because, again, while you might think it's a good idea, and what I need, you don't know.  Maybe it's exactly what I don't need.

Okay, again, I know you're trying to help.  You're motivated by a feeling of do-goodiness.  But it's just not that helpful all the time.  You might think it's helpful, but to me, it's not.   I hope you know what I mean.

But back to this question - "what do you need?"  I have NOT been good at expressing my needs lately.  I know that.  If I just state my needs, out there in the open, maybe you can help.  Or maybe you can't, personally, but just like at Ladies Who Launch, you may know someone who can help.

More on that later - I'm going to think of what I need, and start saying it, right here!  To all of you!